Feedback
02 / Speaking & Feedback
Key question
How do you say it so that it gets across?
Feedback is a gift that is often poorly wrapped. With a clear structure, criticism turns into actionable information, and praise becomes more than just a pat on the back.
Learning objective: You are able to give constructive and appreciative feedback, articulate sensitive matters using nonviolent communication, and receive feedback with composure.
Feedback describes, it does not judge.
2.1 / Give feedback
Specific rather than general.
A model developed by the Center for Creative Leadership describes good feedback in three steps. It is named after the English terms SBI: Situation, Behaviour, Impact.
01
Situation
When and where? ‘In yesterday's presentation …’
02
Behaviour
What exactly did you observe? '... did you take note of the customer's questions and summarise them ...'
03
Effect
What effect did it have on you or others? ‘… it made her feel taken seriously as a result.’
The model works equally well for praise and criticism. It refrains from making personal judgements and describes what happened instead. This allows the other person to agree or to share their own perspective.
Describe rather than evaluate.
2.2 / Nonviolent Communication
Observation, feeling, need, request.
Psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication. It is especially helpful when things get difficult: when something is bothersome, hurtful or urgent.
At its core are four steps: describe what happened without judging; say how it makes you feel; identify the need behind it; make a concrete, achievable request. It might feel unfamiliar at first, but it takes a lot of the heat out of conversations.
It is okay to say no to a request.
2.3 / Accepting feedback
Understand first, categorise later.
Accepting feedback is often harder than giving it. Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen describe three typical triggers for defensiveness: we believe the feedback is wrong, we have an issue with the person giving it, or it challenges how we see ourselves.
A simple sequence helps: listen, ask questions, say thank you. Whether you take the feedback on board is for you to decide later, with a bit of distance.
Listen, enquire, thank. Deciding comes later.
Exercise
Feedback that resonates
Task: Prepare genuine feedback, give it, and ask for some yourself.
STEP 1
Choose a situation about which you would like to give someone feedback, praise or criticism.
STEP 2
Frame it using Situation, Behaviour, and Impact; for difficult matters, use the NVC toolkit.
STEP 3
Give the feedback and ask how it was received.
STEP 4
Ask for feedback yourself and practise: listening, asking questions, thanking.
Evaluation: Was the other person able to do something with your feedback?